Image discription

So in my last post I want to describe the picture, which you can see on the right.

It shows Roof's dad, Sam. He is at the age of eighteen in the picture. Sam has got brown, medium long hair. There is just shown his upper part of the body and he is wearing a plaid shirt with a green t-shirt underneed. His face is a quarterly profile, so it seems that he looks to the right out of the photo. In my opinion it's a nice photo of Sam because he looks more grown up, and not like a small boy. With time he became thought Roof and all the problems an adult. :)

The story hasn't ended - It’s still going on.

Two years are over now and it feels like two months in case of Roof is growing up so fast. Round about three months after his birth, Emily, his aunt was born. So they’re nearly the same age. You might think that sounds funny. You’re right it’s funny and meanwhile we are able to laugh about that. We can’t change it anyway. Sam became a great graphic designer and he enjoys it. We have separate lifes, but in case of roof they coincide. I would describe our relationship maybe as a friendship or something like that. It is hard to explain. Now I’m able to accept that though I still love him in a different kind of way. But there was a time in the past were I couldn’t, because we had sex again and to me it meant more in comparison with him. I hoped that we get together again but he saw it differently. At that time I still loved him and maybe I still love him. Just in an other way now. ( If you now what I mean [;. Properly not. )
It is how it is and that’s okay so. So that’s my story, but sure, it hasn’t ended yet. It will go on my whole life because my life is my story.That’s the same to everybody. You don’t know whatwill happen so because of that, live your life and write your own story. :)

Yes, that's Roof. He is grown up so fast. ;)

Ups and downs

He lived at home again. After a while don’t seeing each other, Sam stood right incensed in front of my door. I opened the door, even though I didn’t want to see him, most of all because I wanted to know what had happened. Anyway after the first sentence he said I was annoyed by him. It was incredible to me that he only came to tell me about his new girlfriend. Properly he already was sleeping with her. Why did he have to come to tell ME that? Just ME? That might not be his grave. Isn’t that crazy, he came to his ex- girlfriend, which has a child of him, to relate about his new love. At that moment I really hated him. On the basis of that I forbade him to see Roof again. He didn’t want to accept that. Suddenly my Mum butt into the argument and we calmed down. Together we talked about the whole situation and also about the future. Before Sam went home we three watched Roof sleeping. I guess we all felt relieved and happy.

Now he is gone.

I was glad for Sam. His dad collected him and Roof for doing something. I'm not sure but I think they wanted to go to a restaurant. In my opinion it is god that he made something different with Roof and his Dad. Because we were sitting at home most of the time. Although it was nice for me too. So I have some time for me. But on the other hand it was a bit scary. Roof and the two, that couldn’t work very well. If I just guessed were they want to put Roof and what they and what they want to do with him in a restaurant, I couldn’t say that I was happy about that. After that day his behaviour was very strange and his mood wasn’t good. I’m sure it is because of his Dad’s influence. Probably nothing nice. In the next days prevailed bad mood. Everyday he got on my nerves.We hadn’t great disputes. Just some facts were enough that we were annoyed. All the day we were hanging on each other so we nearly didn’t had no privacy. I guess that won’t help any relationship- whatever which relationship. The problem was that we didn’t recognize that and didn’t try to change it. With time everything was getting out of control. After all Sam moved back home. You have to believe me it wasn’t my intention. But that wasn’t beyond my power anymore thought I knew I still loved him.

Misunderstandings

At last I had some peace and quiet! No crying baby and no one speaking. In case of that I just could sleep a bit. But five minutes later Roof started crying again. My first thought was: Now it is Sam’s turn. Already three times I got up that night because of Roof and I also wanted to sleep a bit. After a few times telling Sam that, he got up for changing the nappy and jiggling him so that he started sleeping again. Afterwards Sam came back into bed. He was cold so I put my arms around him to get him warm. You see your child sleeping and the guy who love lies beside you. It was a lovely moment. I enjoyed it.
The next day Sam came back from college. All day long I was at home with Roof as everyday. His view was strange so I asked him what had happened . A fight in college, he answered. When he said that sentence I knew who he fought with. Jason bloody Gerson. My ex-boyfriend. He was completely upset. I never really saw him like that. I was nervous about what Jason told him. Hopefully nothing stupid! But than he report me that Jason said he is Roof’s dad and not Sam. You really saw that he was shocked. And I was also speechless. That’s typical Jason. I wanted to explain Sam the truth but he was convinced of Jason’s statement. Afterwards he also made up a story, which was totally wrong. We had one of our first argument. I mean that we talked about the problems and don’t just ran away. He seriously thought that I cheated on him, while our relationship. I was really disappointed of that he didn’t trust me. We didn’t think about what we said so we hurt each other. In the end I was crying and he just stood there with
a nonexpressive face. After much too long we both calmed down and reconciled us. Following we hugged and kissed.

turning point

Twelfth of September, yes, that is the date of Roof's birth. It is crazy to have a child though I now it since nine months.
After two days I went back home with Roof. I'm so glad that Sam lives now together with us, because now we're a real small family. He just brought a small bag with a few clothes in. But he even brought his Tony Hawk poster. That's really cute or? I don't know , he tries to do everything right but he doesn't seem to be happy. Maybe he has bit homesickness. I hope that he acclimatise to his or our new life and feels glad in the following days. But, sure he it's also new and strange life to him, like to all of us, so he need time.

Here we go.

All the time I was afraid of that day. Sam was out skating and I was at home with mum. It was the day when I had my first contractions. Suddenly I felt a pain in my tummy, in this moment I knew: That's the beginning. I ran to my mum and told her what happened. She asked me how often they're coming, I just answered I few times. As I saw the phone lying at the table, I wanted to ring Sam. But he didn't answer. Why can't he look one time after his mobile, just one time...unbelievable. So I had to ring Sam's mum to tell her. One our later the doorbell rang. I heard him talking to mum. After a few minutes he came into the bath, were I was. His view was so …I don’t know… surprised, shocked, scary and destitute. I shouted at him that he time the contractions. It didn’t seem that he understand me. At that time I already was bothered of the whole situation. I started to talk in a bad language like the people in the pregnancy classes told. In the one moment I was crying and in the other laughing…the hormones. My mum took us to hospital. In the car I noticed that Sam was nearly more stressed than me. He didn’t know what his job is and I believe that he was bothered of me because I did some strange noises but he hadn’t the heart to tell me. As we arrived I was glad to see the nurse because then I felt a bit more save. In the room we unwrapped the bag with food, drink, CD player and all those things you need aborning. Sam turned on Green Day , that definitely wasn’t that what I needed in this situation so we tried some other, but the best CD was my mums. I think we were a bit to early in the hospital because we waited a long time until it got serious. We all got very nervous. The birth was terrible for me because the kid got stuck ant the nurse had to cut something. But as it was there it was an amazing moment … really unbelievable. It was the biggest moment in my life. It was so incredible that in the one moment you have so terrible pangs and two seconds later you’re the most happy person in the world. Because of Sam’s face I knew that it didn’t look very nice but I also knew that it was also for him a unforgotten moment. In the next moment I asked mum what this song is called, but she didn’t know the name just the name of the singer: Rufus Wainwright. That was the perfect name for my child. The others looked a bit addled.
So, Roof was born.

waiting...all the time

Now I am already in the seventh month. Another crazy thing is that Sam's mother is now pregnant too. Mark, the boyfriend of Sam's mum moved to her. So Sam feels better that we live together because now tehre is somenody who takes care of his mum. We both are happy at the moment even we can laugh a bit about the whole. Okay, just sometimes. In opposite to the beginning the everything feels much better now. Both of us are thinking more positive and I am happy about that. Hopefully Sam too. The last few weeks and months were a bit stressed because of exams, I wasn't really good but Sam was okay. In my opinion it wasn't so important because I always had to take a year of school so it doesn't matter. And while the last weeks I couldn't do much, that was strange. All the time we were just waiting and waiting...

I don't know, but everything has changed

At the moment I feel better, it seems that my life is going to the right direction now. I spend more time with Sam and I guess our proportion is better than in the last few weeks. We went together to the hospital to see our baby on the machine. On the way back home he kissed me. On the one hand it felt so normal but on the other hand it was a different feeling, I don’t know how to explain. But it felt right and it also was a wonderful day. And moreover we went to a NCT class. Okay it wasn’t such a grade experience, but it was a bit funny too. I’ll never go back there.
Sam is often at our house and even he says Robert and Andrea to mum and dad. They or we often have seriously conversation. He is already a part of my family. I’m very happy that he didn’t leave me though I thought that in the beginning.

I can't kill my baby...

Yesterday I went to Sams. I wanted to talk to him and tell him the result of the prgnancy test. Even if he already knows it. As I saw him I had to start crying.
He asked me what I wanted to do now. So I relied that I already made a decision and want to keep the baby. Are you sure?, he asked. But I'm sure. I don't really know how it should work with a baby but in my opinion I should listen to my stomage in this situation.

A few days later he came to my house we wanted to tell my parents the news. Sam was afraid of this evening...me too. But I have to tell them, and I want that he is with me. Mum and dad were shocked. They also didn't know what they should say.
Later we also went to Sam's mum with my parents. It was a terrible conversation like the whole evening.

I'm so desperate...what shall I do now?

I’m sixteen years old now and I’m pregnant. My boyfriend or my ex-boyfriend left me alone as he heard that. Isn’t that a wonderful life? I didn’t speak to him since his sixteenth birthday, the day when I told him that I’m pregnant. It’s unbelievable. I never thought that of him! I thought the problem would be my parents and not Sam. Sure, it’s not easy for him, but for me either and he has the same fault than me. Now I’ve got two problems my parents and Sam. I don’t know what to do, I’m alone. And the best thing is, yesterday Sam’s mum called me, she seemed to be desperate, I didn’t know why, but then I realized that maybe she rings because of me, especially because of my pregnancy. I couldn’t really believe that he already talked to his mum, but not to me. At this moment I blushed although she only was on the phone, I didn’t know what I should tell her. Already in the next moment she asked me if I know where Sam is. That was a great relieve to me. His mum said that he’s gone since yesterday afternoon, first she thought he’s at my house. As I told her that I didn’t see him for days, she was more desperate. After this conversation I was shocked of him another time. Now, he didn’t just leave me, no, now he also went away from home. Sam, isn’t he a wonderful guy? But the problem is I still love him and I don’t know what will happen with me, Sam and the baby in the future.

What will happen in the futur?

It's odd. He is so strange, I can't recognize him. In the last days respectively the last weeks Sam doesn't speek to me often and we didn't spend so much time together anymore. All the time I didn't want to disavow that Sam was bored of our relationship. But now I realize that Sam doesn't love me anymore. The situation has changed but I still love him and I don't know what shall I do now.
But the worst is yet to come. I was waiting for my period all the time but I hoped everything was all right. And then I heared that Sam was going out with another girl. Directly I got jealous. After I was three weeks to late I know that I was pregnant, but I didn't know how to say it Sam. I decided to tell it him at his 16. Birthday. I sent him an message that I want to meet him. We met at Starbucks. He wasn't really surprised. I wanted to buy with him the pregnant test and he agreed. As I went home to get more money he ran off. I was shocked, I didn't believe that and I just felt lonely.

Chapter 3/4 - about Sam

We see us every day. Sometimes we go outside but most of the time we're at alicia's. I'm so happy. I don't know how to explain but it feels so great. Honestly this feeling is a bit strange, but I can't be without him. As I said you can't really explain it, it's odd. Sam is different than the other guys, he is more honest and he doesn't just want to be cool. I like that. Sometimes he is so helpless, that's cute.:)Yes, I think, I love him.

Here is a picture of him. Doesn't he look good? =)

Slam - Chapter 2

These parties are always the same. Lot's of old, cramped people and just terrible music. The party was as dull as all parties of my parents. It was my mom's birthday party. I lay on the sofa reading a magazine all the time . After a few hours this boy stood beside the sofa. First I didn't know who he was but than I remembered, it was Sam, the son of my moms fried. I didn't want to see anybody because I didn't felt well on this evening. So I just looked the other way. But, actually, I was glad that he has come. First it was odd because we were sitting there and nobody sad anything. After a while he wanted to start a conversation. It was strange too, but with the time it became nice and funny. I liked him.
At the next day we met at the cinema. I was looking forward to see him the whole day. We talked all the time so that we didn't even go to the film. After a frappuccino we, or I would say me, decided to go to my house. I don't know why but I already wanted to sleep with him. But I noticed that he wasn't ready yet. I didn't want to realize that. Because of that I told him to go. Then I started crying. He turned around and put his arms around me. On account of that he came back, I started kissing him. At this evening we had the first time sex.